I wish my penis had an off switch
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize