Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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