So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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