I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
