Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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