i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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