so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
