I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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