you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
