If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
