I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
