do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
