Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
