he shaved USA in his pubs
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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