You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
