he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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