im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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