I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
