Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
