so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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