I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
