Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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