you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
