This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
