Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
