um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
