Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
