i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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