you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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