I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
