He kissed a someone with a penis
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
