He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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