Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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