I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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