Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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