OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
