god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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