I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
God, I missed his penis.
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