I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
