Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
