You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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