I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
