did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
