Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
