so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
