Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
