I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
