Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
