Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
