just come out here and I will go home with you...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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