so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
