Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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