I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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