you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
