I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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