So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
