You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
