Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
