She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
