Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
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If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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