i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
