Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
