Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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